The bars and the music, but not the Karaoke!!!

...Pepi and Antonio, the owners of the marina bar, are very astute. The have made sure they appeal to all nationalities. That is why they are the busiest bar in La Cala. They also have numerous artistes in the evening to try and attract more custom especially in the winter months when only the ex-pats are guaranteed to be here.

The winter month also attract the 6 monthers, retired people who take a long lease of 6 months on an apartment to avoid the chills in their own countries and take advantage of the warmth of Spain. These days I guess they benefit in many other ways too, no British, gas, electricity, water and petrol costs to name a few. And a least 6 months away from nanny state England, which tells you where you can drink, when you can drink all the various colours of bins to put rubbish and re-cycling in, which is emptied between once and twice a week and a council tax bill per Annum in excess of a thousand pounds.

Here in Spain bottled gas costs are going down in price dust bins are emptied every single night annual community charge maximum one hundred and seventy Euros, electricity and water costs are half those in the UK and you can drink the clock round with no hassle. And equally there is little or no thuggery through booze (except in the square, Benidorm New Town which is full of English, who can do what they want there, in drinking terms, and because the UK state has kept them oppressed they go mad here and make a bad name for all British people).

Anyway back to the Bar. In winter Eric Pollard comes over (he isn't called Eric but he sort of gained that label) for about 3 months and he is promptly hired by Pepi. He brings his keyboard twice a week and whilst he is a good performer, wades through a certain eras musical hits. Like "we''ll meet again" "Rambling Rose" "I bid you all a sad goodbye", you know the type, music to commit suicide to. This of course attracts the older generation who after an hour of getting into the mood start to jitterbug or quick step or jive to the weirdest of songs. At one stage he does a World War two medley and the audience often has a white hankie waving in the air. The more middle-aged ex-pats sit on the terrace huddled around the garden heaters Antonio cleverly positioned to catch the dissenters.

On Mondays and Fridays there is Andrea, or "Just a girl" who also does a "Madonna" tribute act in the New and Old town of Benidorm. Andrea is the 'eye candy' entertainer too, clearly Pepi and Antonio want to attract younger clients into the bar, Andreas constant companion is Rick her boyfriend who does a great printing service a sort of speciality service large frame printing, and does business cards etc, as well as acting as Andreas roadie. Andreas music is more appealing to the younger and middle-age groups, most of us know the words, that always helps.

On Wednesday and Saturday there is Cheryl, who sing various songs but her speciality is Dolly Parton. Clearly Cheryl has the ability to to impressions, her Mrs Merton is second to none and I know she appeared on a couple of regular TV programmes Like "Who do you do" and others apparently. Jeremy her husband is the sound man, seen outside pretending to check the sound level but is really sneaking in a few puffs from his pipe of tobacco.

The other days a Belgian lady organists plays who is also good but hers is more like Musak rather than join in music.

So all through winter there is mucic, and come the Summer time somewhere in the middle of June they tail off the music because tourist numbers often fill the bar without them trying. This is when us ex-pat get our noses shoved out a bit. But we all have to make a living out of the tourists.

This season lasts solidly three months June, July and August. Sometimes they erect a stage on the beach. We wake to the sound of a fitness instructor wailing "uno, dos, tres, quatro....Uno dos..." and various sizes of scanty clad tourists wobble up and down on the sand like demented penguins, red faced and profusely perspiring, making me wonder what type of relaxing holiday they had in mind. The physical beating up the Spanish tourist office gives the holiday maker by this regimented daily exercise routines, gives way to the Spanish karaoke. Having been physically beaten up by the gym instructor, the Finestrat Ajunamiento now enforce audio attacks on the unsuspecting holiday maker. If you think Karaoke is bad in English, try listening to it in Spanish. This goes on until lunch time, no! not 12 noon, but 2 pm official siesta time. Then you see a mass exodus of the Spanish, they start to quiver as the allotted time approaches you can feel the tension and the slight agitation as they start to pull down parasols, roll up towels, dust the sand off themselves and shuffle off to their chosen eating place.

On the beach there is a major fish restaurant and in the bay there are at least 4 beach side Spanish restaurants, all reasonable food with a typical Menu del dia (menu of the day) costing about 9 to 12 euros. That is for 4 courses and usually half a bottle of house wine.

Now as the British holiday maker probably went for his/her lunch at 12, they are back sat or lying on a now spacious beach, wondering what on earth all that noise is in the distance. The noise is cutlery clinking plates and the polyphonic chatter of the Spanish diner. Spaniards like to talk at the same time, and because of that they then have to raise their voices to be heard which causes the knock on effect that the other people have to as well, hence a crescendo of speech emanating from the restaurants. This sojourn lasts until 4 or 5 pm. and the beach starts to re-fill with the replete Spanish tourists and many of the restaurants close for their own siestas.

La Cala in summer becomes a typical Spanish resort for the Spanish juxtaposed to the more Brit/Dutch/German winter. In winter the English pubs "Molly Malones", "The Ship" "Shananakins" all go for the more brash British appeal, the ship has bingo and quiz nights, Shananakins Irish folk music and Molly Malones an electric guitarist at mega decibels. The winter is when I avoid the British bars completely...