Christmas time mistletoe and wine

...We had a traditional Christmas dinner at home, but as Dave and Pete invited us for dinner last year, we decided it was our turn to invite them and so they came. The dining table is shown left before we all got to work on demolishing a 5.5 kilo turkey.

We felt like watching the annual Christmas day swim in the bay before celebrations began and before Pete and Dave arrived. So we went down to the bay and stood outside the 'Ship' pub where the swim was scheduled for 11.00 am. We managed to get a coffee and it was time for the swim , so 20 to 30 assorted fancy dress people dived into the sea, and the chattering of teeth was a good impression of a pneumatic drill digging the road. We also managed to bump into several friends there, Barry, Kevin, Pat, Graham and more besides, so Merry Christmas was wished several times. We were then suitable ready to hold our Christmas celebrations so we went home.

Ange had the cooking under control, the bird had been slow roasting over night and just required a blast to crisp it up. We were doing a traditional dinner. Soup to start, turkey, parsnips, carrots, sprouts, mashed and roast potatoes, cranberry sauce and stuffing covered in gravy. To finish, Christmas pudding and white brandy sauce, mince pies and cheese and biscuits. We had white and red wine, beer whiskey, Bacardi, martini, vodka and brandy, along with a couple of obscure liqueurs in case.

Dave and Pete promptly arrived at 2pm, and we decided to have drinks on the balcony as it was reasonably warm. We had all bought token gifts for each other in order to make the experience more Christmassy, so we did the exchanging and more drinking, so that by the time dinner was ready we were all sufficiently injected with the yuletide spirit.

When we sat down to dinner the lads described what they had been doing prior to arriving. "we went down to 'Christine's' (an English book shop in the bay) and bought a Eurodirect phone card to ring home with." Dave explained. Most ex-pats have these, from a phone box it allows about an hour of phone time for 6 euros, and from a land line it allows about 300 minutes. "Well I got to the phone box and I had scratched the part where it reveals a pin number"...Dave continued. "...and the phone display had the words Tarjeta o dinero (meaning card or money) meaning I had to insert a card, so I did, but I couldn't see the pin number now and I started to get a bit annoyed." We could imagine the scene. "He told me to go back to the shop and get the 'correct' procedure, so I went in and asked Christine for a pen so I could write down the pin number." Pete interjected. "Christine asked me why I wanted to write the number down, and I said well when we insert it we can't see the pin number to tap it into the phone, at which point she collapsed in fits of hysterics. she said to me," "that's not how you do it, you scratch the card to reveal the pin number, dial the number on the card 1701, then press 1 for English, then key in the pin number and finally key in the number you want to ring." So Dave followed this 'correct' procedure and was connected to the person he wanted to speak to.

The dinner was complete and we decided to rest for a while before we had the Christmas pudding, which was fortunate because some Spanish neighbours came to wish us 'Feliz Navidad' or Merry Christmas. The older lady is Guadalupe, we call her lupe for short was accompanied by her daughter Soria, who was over for Christmas, she normally resides and works in London. o they stayed and chatted for a while. We all drank lots of wine and whiskey and Bacardi and were getting nicely merry. At about 9 pm Dave and Pete decided to make a move home but not before Dave told us all about the telephone card once more in minute detail.......

Christmas comes once a year....most places!!!

...Everyone is preparing for Christmas now. We are having 5 for dinner including us. This means getting the shopping sorted by the end of this weekend. Neil from Paneil's kindly offered to get a Turkey for us whilst he was shopping, later, we needed to phone him and he said to Ange: "...you know the full turkey I am going to get for you?" We wanted a full turkey as opposed to a turkey crown because I am partial to dark meat "...yes" she replied, "well its a full turkey, but it hasn't any legs." Now the Spanish do some silly things, but surely a 'full Turkey' when advertised should at least have legs and wings as well as the rest of it. Anyway after a bit of a chat, we decided we would go to the Ex-Pats shop and buy a frozen one from there we had noted that they were in tact. That is what we did and got a 5.4 kilo turkey for around 24 Euros.

The Spanish eat a lot of game and poultry. In most supermarkets you can get a full Rabbit, chickens, turkeys etc. One thing you need to be wary of though is when you prepare to cook a chicken check inside the neck, because they usually keep the head there as well as the neck, giblets et al. I found this out when we lived in Fuengirola and I heard this scream from the kitchen when Ange first discovered this fact.

The council of Finestrat Pueblo have responsibility for La Cala bay and that includes the Christmas fiesta, and the decorations associated with it. This year in order to be helpful to the environment, and to be prudent in the current credit crunch, they decided to delay the lighting of the Christmas lights until last night, and very nice they look too.

The other day I went into the Marina Bar and the usual red plastic tubing with lights all the way along it, which was the focal point of the Bar's Christmas decorations, was missing. This doesn't totally surprise me because the other night, the first half was lit and the second half, the bit that tends to be noticed, wasn't. I, wrongly thought, that they had merely discarded it, but I should have had more faith. As the bar was fairly quiet, Pedro produced this red coil and stood by the glass main entrance door. It was his intention to pass the plug end of the 'New' lights between the open door and the wall and drag it in towards the sockets located behind the door. It was hilarious, he was pushing the wire as far along the door as he could whilst with the other hand trying to grab the plug. However, his arms weren't long enough and there was a 3" distance he couldn't bridge. So I went over and grabbed the plug for him before his plan failed miserably. "Thank you Boss" he said with a clear grin, noting the futility of his original plan. Next he rolled it outside, against the wall up over the side todos screen along the top and across the forecourt to the tree, finally coiling it up the tree until he ran out of lights he clamped it on each coil between two cross head self tapping screws previously placed for this purpose. None of the coil on the patio was covered in gang tape or secured to the ground. (In England, the Politically Correct brigade, Health and Safety Executive, Ambulance service, Fire Brigade and Police Force, would by now be launching individual prosecution notices for health and safety infringements, danger to public health, causing fear and harassment, affixing self-tapping screws to a palm tree and the danger of electrocution) Happy in his labours, Pedro retired inside the bar for the grand switch on. On it went and it certainly brightened the forecourt up a treat. Now only a few days ago they had two new televisions installed which now seems to provide a full English TV package and a full Spanish listing. So they can now have football from the English league, anything from the Spanish league and all other international matches. But, they can't have all of this and the Christmas tree lights on because they have no sockets left, so the football always wins after all the Spanish are a macho race and nothing stops football.

The seasoned marina bar customer has learned to put up with their ways. So when Jesus ignores you, hits you with his tray, pulls your hair, pinches your skin or affectionately slaps you at the back of the head, he is merely being playful, and when you ask Pedro for a drink and he says. "...no you 'av to come back tomorrow" (and most annoyingly Jose has started doing the same) he doesn't mean a word of it. Salvador on the other hand is generally moderate in mood and happiness. These insults are not just for Christmas they last the year round.

It isn't just their habits that can be odd. No matter which football match or sporting event is on the TV, they have music blaring out both inside the bar and outside on the patio. In the interests of not boring you the reader I will not list all the songs and lyrics, because I have heard them all so many times I could do, but as far as us Brits are concerned, Christmas never went away, we have been listening to 'Auld lang sine', 'I wish it could be Christmas' 'We're having a gang bang, we're having a ball' 'The hokey kokey' and many more every single night, interspersed with 'She sang shang-alang' various Abba, Dolly Parton, Frank Sinatra medleys and music you wouldn't take with you on Desert Island discs. I think Antonio and Pepi think we Brits like it.

My son on one of his visits did record a CD with more up-to-date tracks but still middle of the road enough to be enjoyed by all. This was the equivalent of introducing the beatles to the Queen Elizabeth I Court. It was played once and never again. Recently we have been getting some new stuff: Neil Diamond 'Rattlin' Rosey' 'Build me up Buttercup' by .... I forget, 'Is this the way to Amarillo' (the original, not Peter kay's) and 'I am the music Man' .... enough to turn a man to drink...

The nearest we get to Traditional Spanish at this time of year is a daily sufferance of a Lady (of some longevity) who comes every year and plays Spanish Flamenco music, mimes to it, and struts around like a demented whirling dervish, when it's warm in a dress worthy of a Flamenco dancer, but as its cold right now she has taken to wearing jeans and gloves, which doesn't half knacker the image. After her 'performance' she walks around the tables with her hat in hand touting for payment for the entertainment. This is interesting for body language enthusiasts, The British embarrassingly scurry into their pockets/purses looking for the smallest denomination they can find, The Nordic folk ignore her completely, but the Spanish look her in the eye and stare as if she has lost all of her senses, until she can't hold the stare any longer and moves on towards a more vulnerable victim. The only other hawkers we tend to get are the Chinese 'bling' sellers, rose sellers, and a Spanish chap, dressed quite dapper in a suit, wearing a very 'spiv' hat and an arm full of gold-looking bracelets and necklaces and trying to sell them. When we give him the 'No gracias' routine, he just laughs, well at least he is happy in his work.

The Chines 'bling' sellers achieve a modicum of success. Their bits and pieces usually contain flashing blue, red, green, yellow lights it isn't just moths who are attracted to bright lights, tourists also like them. Sometimes they are key-rings, or hats with flashing lights and at the moment they sell these gaudy coloured sunglasses with flashing lights all the way up the ear pieces and around the lens. You may ask what sort of people buy such things?.................well...do you remember me mentioning Pete?...

Polished off the steaks and varnish off the trousers

..Plans are well on the way for Christmas in La Cala, although unlike the UK the Christmas lights and trees etc. are confined to British homes here, the Spanish tend to start in the penultimate week to Christmas. Having said that, most of the big stores have been selling Decorations and trees and lights since mid November. Christmas is also a sad time in La Cala, The Marina bar actually closes for Christmas day and Boxing day so if I want to go to a bar it has to be another one. But this year we are entertaining. Dave and Pete and our son Ian will be having Christmas dinner with us and we will therefore be drinking at home and not venturing to the bars at all.

The Spanish celebrate Christmas quietly. They will attend church on Christmas eve and then go home to open presents and have a family meal. Christmas day is a family day and most go back to work on boxing day which is not a traditional holiday here. Their celebration if Christmas is on the 6th January which is Epiphany. That is the day when the three wise men are said to have visited Jesus in the stable and took him gifts. The Spanish call the day "The three Kings" re-enact the event in all major villages, towns and cities. La Cala is no exception and on the lead up to the arrival of the three kings on camels, Christmas carols abound around the bay. When the three Kings arrive they distribute gifts to all the children who have been nominated by their parents.

As always there are celebrations right up to and beyond Christmas and of course we all meet up in the Marina for a drink and discuss what we are all doing this particular year.

Yesterday Ange and I were invited for dinner at Dave and Doreen's. We were asked to be there for 6 pm, so we set off a little early because they live at the top of "Cardiac hill" and as the local name implies the hill is very steep. So what with my heart problems and Ange's aches and pains, we thought an early start would be the best thing.

We managed the tortuous journey slightly ahead of schedule, so whilst panting like a bull mastiff I worked out which button to press to talk to Dave over the intercom in order to be let in. Once at Dave's floor he met us from the lift. As soon as we entered the room his opening words were "What a day we have had" he said adding "Can you smell anything in here", I acknowledged I could smell something like turpentine. He said "well we were just sat here taking the sun and it became too warm, so we decided to go down to Pepi's (The Marina Bar) for just an hour to cool off and get some fresh air." We could see that this was leading to an explanation of Dave's obvious state of agitation. "we sat down and after a while I could feel something damp and sticky, I stood up to look at the chair and realised there was varnish on my trousers." Apparently Antonio and Pepi had decided to varnish the wicker chairs and obviously as they are the only chairs they have it has to be a quick turn round. Now considering they shut for only a few hours a day (at the busiest time of year 4 am until 7 am, they didn't have much time to do it and clearly not enough time for the varnish to completely dry.

These wicker chairs have been in the Marina since opening day and to say they are a little tired is like saying the titanic is letting in water. When you sit on some and grip the arms you can feel the nail heads which have started to come out, and some of the wicker arm supports have fell off. There are two types of chair, one that is comfortable and one which has such an incline at the back the locals have named them "birthing chairs". You can often see Pepi on a slack day with his drill and some screws doing alterations. So news that they were re-varnishing wasn't a complete surprise, but one would have thought they would ensure that the chairs were dry. They may wish they were once Dave has finished with then because his trousers were in the washing machine and the smell of turps drifting from the hall around the place.

We were at Dave's for his 'piece de resistence' fillet steak. He had noted how we preferred our steaks, mine medium to well, Ange medium, Doreen well done and Dave was medium rare (in fact so lightly cooked that a good vet could get the beast back on its feet). We did indeed have a lovely meal. Later we chatted with a few drinks and we decided to go home around 9.30 pm.

We had to pass the marina bar on the way home and you've never seen the place so empty, we thought about calling in, but the thoughts of buying turpentine the following day ruled that out...