Road hogs and road rage

..Driving in Spain is a revelation if you are used to British roads. For example British drivers know all the codes of driving, even if a few don't always comply. In bars you hear people saying "I was driving towards the roundabout when this chap carved me up.." and the story-teller usually gets sympathy from his audience because everyone there has experienced something similar from time to time. Equally how many British drivers have been accused of 'rubber necking' at an accident? Many no doubt, but because it is seen as abnormal behaviour, people tell stories of how they were carved up or stuck behind a 70 year old driver doing 30 miles an hour on a reasonably straight country lane.

The former paragraph was a precursor to what I observe about driving in Spain. There are a few main rules. 1. A pedestrian crossing is merely a point of negotiation between the driver and pedestrian, if the pedestrian doesn't risk life and limb by placing at least a foot...or preferably launching into a walk across the crossing, then you can't expect a driver to stop. 2. Mind reading is a must for driver and pedestrian alike, it seems that indicators are an optional extra on a Spanish car or it's the usage which is optional in a Spanish driving test. 3. The pedestrian is always wrong. 4. You must slow down at any hazard albeit a broken down vehicle to see if the car is older or younger than yours in case you find yourself in a similar predicament, 5. Slow down to a crawl when you see an accident so that you can relate every gory detail when you get home. 6. Give way to no-one.

Also there is parking. Well I say parking, cars are very often parked in haste which often makes them appear abandoned. They park in taxi lanes, bus stops, motorbike bays, no parking lines, car park entries and emergency vehicle parking spaces.

The Policia Local, have specific responsibility for policing vehicle offences. They are not so considerate (yes considerate) as the UK traffic Wardens, who merely place a ticket on your windscreens and expect you to pay the fine and not to do it again. The Policia local walk along street be street identifying lawbreakers, they contact the Grua (literally means crane but we would refer to as a pick up truck.) The grua rubs his hands and comes down picking up car after car and taking them to the impound. This is often in one of the most inaccessible places outside of town and likely to cost 20 to 30 euros by taxi to get there. The Policia write out a ticket and stick it to the pavement where the car was, which is how the driver knows whats happened to his car when he returns. He then has to get a taxi to the impound, 30 euros, pay the grua for his time and storage say 100 euros or more, then he has to go to the bank and pay his fine 80 euros or more. Now when you think car parking for a few hours is never much more than 5 euros, so why do they do it in the first place....beats me!

Roundabouts are relatively new in Spain. Each roundabout in general having two lanes with each interlinking road having two lanes also. Now we know in the UK that if you are going to exit the roundabout at the first exit, you stay on the left (in Spain on the right). And if you are going straight ahead, you start in the outside lane moving to the inside lane when you have passed the first exit and so forth until you exit with your car.

Near La Cala there is a roundabout with quite a few exits. If you are driving from la Cala in the direction of Finestrat you approach the roundabout and have the following exit options. First exit for a Garage and small industrial estate, second exit will take you onwards to Finestrat, third exit will take you to La Marina shopping centre Mercadona and Lidl. The fourth exit will take you to Carrefour hypermarket, and the 5th exit means you have done a complete circuit and heading back to la Cala.

Just to complicate matters next to the road leading from La Cala is a slip road from the N332 road, this enters the roundabout only it is not an exit. So, each approaching road has two lanes of traffic, some cars indicating, most not, the ones on the left intend to exit right before the person to his right who is going to an exit further round the roundabout. The driver on the right is not sure where the driver on the left is going so he slows right down, by slowing down the driver on the slip road sees an opportunity and enters the roundabout making the car on the right break, the car on the left can't move right, because the car from the slip road has now blocked the exit, so the car on the left blows his horn at the car from the slip road, the car on the right blows his horn at both of them and the cars behind all of them blow their horns in frustration.

The roundabout is now getting congested, and all lanes are backing up. Eventually this mayhem attracts the attention of either the Guardia Civil or the Policia Local, who then come along with whistles in mouths and start to direct the traffic. They use the whistle and hand gestures to talk to the driver, so "you get over here" comes out has 'whistle, whistle whistle whistle whistle' and his finger points to where he wants the driver to go. Its remarkable, and who knows maybe a hang over from the Franco days, but they are incredibly obedient to the police.

After a short while the policia bring back some element of normality to the scene and they stay there until they think the traffic is running smoothly and then leave. But we all know they will be back in a couple of hours as patience snaps once more and mayhem resumes.

And my final observation is driving on the Auto pista (motorway). I am not saying the Spanish are particularly mean, but just as they are prepared as a group of 6 to sit in a restaurant with one cup of coffee, they equally dislike paying toll money. There are the B roads which are free and the toll roads which are reasonable considering car tax is about 50 euros a year on average.

The main road south is the EP7 and if you are picking people up from the airport this is the road usually used. I join it at Villajoyosa about 5 kilometers from home and the toll all the way to El Compello is 2 euros and 5 cents, so not too bad at all. Once you clear the toll, traffic joins from the N332 (these are the drivers who wish to avoid the toll). At this stage it is about 2 kilometers to the St Joan tunnel, which merely goes under the village of St Joan. Way in advance of the tunnel there are signs warning that the speed limit is 80 kms an hour and that speed is monitored by radar. I know this to be true because a couple of friends have received speeding tickets. I always slow down to 80 and as instructed put on my dipped headlights, failure to do so can also incur a fine. However, the amount of Spanish drivers who come up close behind you and flash their lights for you to move over is incredible. They are usually short men looking through the gap in the steering wheel of a large car, I always oblige and move...after all who am I to deprive the Spanish Police coffers of well-earned fine money.

As my friend Dave once observed as i gave him a lift to la Cala from the airport..."The trouble with the Spanish is they moved from the Donkey to the car too quickly..."