The flying dutchman......

...Some days the Marina bar is full yet there is no-one to talk to. These are the days when people watching comes into its own. One such day occurred last week. My wife had gone to England for her mum's birthday, so at my usual time I went down to the bar. I found a good seat in the sun, a good view of the beach and the pavement which runs past the bar. The place was packed. To my left on the row in front of me were two Dutch couples, right in front of me next to a palm tree was another Dutch man on his own, to my right a group of German tourists had arrived and the waiters were meeting themselves coming backwards it was so busy.

I couldn't really understand much of what was being said around me until Peter came along. Peter is an Englishman and he like the odd drink - 7, 9, 11, 13 etc. Anyway, he arrived with two ladies and sat between me and the Duch foursome. Peter has a deep somerset accent and linked with a few beers it turns a little into a drawl or slur, and his way of speaking Spanish is to growl in a Spanish accent, not exactly saying anything, but I think the waiters interpret him by his body language. Whatever he intended the end result was him receiving a pint of Spanish lager.

The Dutch guys on the next table were intrigued with his behaviour. "Are you English?" one asked him "Yer, oi 'am" he replied "And werm you from?" he asked of them. "We are from the Netherlands" From then on they tended to speak in football team names, Ajax, Manchester United, Barcelona...well thats what it sounded like from where I am. "The man next to the palm tree behind you supports manchester United and he is Dutch too" said the first Dutchman. The other man nodded in acknowledgement of the reference. Now every now and then when Peter wanted a drink he would just shout out in a very loud deep gutteral drawl "heeeeeeeey peeeedrrrrrrrro mi amingo" and Pedro where ever he was would shout back "soon Pedro two, soon" (Pedro being Spanish for peter) meaning he is currently engaged and would come as soon as possible. But amongst the four German tourists to my left was a lady who clearly took exception to peter's behaviour because every time he did it she commented in a lound exclamation "gottenhimmel!" and he managed to catch her out every time she never saw it coming.

In the meantime a couple of smart looking Spanish guys had sat in front of me to the left they were maybe in their 30s, but effectively on a neighbouring table to peter. They too were mesmerised with the antics of Peter, who by this time had been joined by two young girls, if not teenagers only in their very early 20s. I think that was the real reason the Spanish lads chose their seats. But Peter was clearly known to the girls who seemed to have come specially to see him. I could hear them asking about his wife and daughter (I don't know this as a fact but think he may be estranged from his wife). At this stage Peter, who is clearly proud to be associated with the two girls is getting louder, and as the Dutch guys have had a few too now, they are laughing with him when he plays to the crowd. Meanwhile after Peter's latest "heeeeeeeeey peeeeeedddddrrrrro mi amigo" and the now associated "Gottenhimmel",happened as Pedro walks past the two Spanish lads who said something to pedro, the only word I caught was ".....culo" which is Spanish for Bottom, so you can make of that as you see fit, but it made Pedro giggle. There was a definite unease in general about Peter's behaviour, but fortunately he said to the two young ladies, "I am going to pay my bill now" and he made his way to the bar. Coincidentally, just as he had gone into the bar two Guardia Civil officers came into the bar. I am fairly certain they came for a free drink, but I do think others around thought they were arriving to sort Peter out. But it was merely a coincidence. The original ladies Peter arrived with had spent their time talking to the dutch foursome and only drank water, but left before Peter. Peter left with the two young ladies who joined him earlier.

I thought the entertainment had concluded, but you may remember the Dutch man sat next to the palm tree. I hadn't taken much notice of him as he was very quiet and seemed to be having a drink taking in the sun, but as he stood up to go to the Toilet, he had a very steady swagger, and on his table was evidence of a couple of beers and an empty bottle of sparkling wine. When he came back to the table he was considerably unsteady and holding his head in his hand once he had managed to land on his chair. He had clearly paid his bill whilst in the bar because he was putting his change in his wallet. He took the last drink of his glass, stood up with a great amount of effort, looked at his countymen, shook his head indicating he may have been a little silly, and set off with will and purpose I guess, to wherever he was staying. Remember the newly tiled wall out side the marina bar between the beach and the bar? Well he clearly didn't because he wanted to move forward, but his legs took him at 45 degrees in the direction of the wall, and when he found it he did a double axel that Torville and Dean would have been extremely proud of and dropped on the sand like a bull elephant being stunned by a poacher.........

......30 minutes earlier I would have predicted something like that happening to Peter, not the Dutchman......

The following Sunday I was in the bar with friends and at the back of the bar sat the same Dutchman, fast asleep with an empty beer glass and an empty bottle of sparkling wine.........