Forget last year's lobster bring on the Tuna

...Sunny days abound in La Cala, clear blue skies and temperatures in the high 30 degree C. As it is July it is my Wife Angela's birthday. As she is working on her birthday we decided to celebrate the day before. I didn't tell her the arrangements but I had organised a meal for 5 at a restaurant called Al Fresco in the village of Finestrat. Dave and Pete were invited and Dave's brother Mike who is staying with them for a week's holiday.

The trip entailed a bus ride, because none of us wanted to drive, knowing that there would be plenty of alcohol involved in such a day's outing. We arranged to meet at the bus stop at 1215, and that is all Ange knew, she didn't know where we were gpoing or where we were eating. She didn't even twig when we got on the bus. The bus stops right in the centre of Finestrat and as we were not eating until 2.30 pm, we decided to call in another bar/restaurant for pre-lunch drinks. This bar is called Moli dos, because there is a Moli uno.

Now as I have been having problems with my glucose readings being very high, I decided to stop drinking mahou and instead I started drinking Tinto de Verano, which is red wine and casera (unsweetened lemonade) this had been successful along with other measures such as cutting down on carbo-hydrates and not eating too late in the day. So my reading which were formerly anything up 14 in a morning, were now down to between 6 and 7 which is near perfect. But, today was a free for all and I was not going to be as good as I formerly had been. So I started with a pint of Amstel, followed by another. Dave and Michael joined me, Pete had a San Miguel and Ange a diet coke (she can't drink until she has eaten otherwise she is fit for nothing later).

Once we had our aperatife, we wandered along to Al Fresco. We were early but as we were the only ones there the restrauteur was more than happy for us to dine early. The waitress, who apartently was from Moldovia, scurried around to set us a table outside in the shade, whilst Jim the owner and Chef took our drinks order. He said "Do you all like prawns....?" to which I answered "..Is the Pope Catholic?" ... "Ah good I will prepare a few for you whilxst you decide on what you want to eat..." he said with some glee. The Menu del Dia was very good and we all wanted items from that. I and 4 others had the tuna mixed salad ad Ange had cerano ham and melon. For the main course I and Dave had minute steak, chips and roast vegetables, Pete and Mike had chicken stir fry and Ange had fresh tuna steak. We had ordered a bottle of white wine, which was quickly followed by another and then a third, Mike drank pints of beer.

From a diabetic point of view then came the dilemma, Pinapple or Stawberry cream cake, no contest, I had the strawberry cream cake along with the other three lads and Ange had the pinapple. In the meantime, Jim the owner heard us talking about Ange's birthday and treated us to a bottle of bubbly, very generous....and he brought a desert wine for us with the sweet.

We finally finished with cafe cortado for Pete and Cafe con leche for the rest of us.

One of the local Scots population (another guy called Jim) came and sat at the next table and we all struck up a conversation. He told us he had just left his pool and decided to take his dog for a walk and call by for a coffee. He was extolling the virtues of living in Finestrat village as opposed to Benidorm. We all prefer not to live in Benidorm, it is far too noisy and in certain parts can be rowdy at this time of year when the British tourists are unleashed from 'Nanny' Britain, who dictates to the mass populus what and when they must drink. So when they are allowed out into a liberal country which is completely in tune with sensible alcohol usage and therefore has it available cheaply and widely, they tend to be like children in a sweet shop and run amock. In the sleepy villages where we socialise, we savour the wine, drink sensible quantities slowly over long periods rather than drink like the next drink could be the last. During this conversation Jim the Owner/Chef asked if he could join us for a drink, which we welcomed (he was a wonderful host). He told us of his origins and how he likes to run his restaurant, and he clearly feels inhibited with menus, because he said if we liked anything in particular next time to pre-warn him and he would endeavour to do it.

After such a great afternoon it was time to get our bill and move on. Jim promptly did some reckoning in his head and said lets call it 55 Euros, I gave him 60 and said lets call that a deal. He said. "that's far too generous" I said "We are extremely happy with the food service and entertainment, we are more than happy to pay 60 euros", "Then" he replied. "...you can have another bottle of wine and a pint." So we sat there for a little longer until it was finally time to catch the 4 pm bus.

Oops! No bus. The last bus was at 1 pm. So we went into "The Font", another bar, and had a drink whilst we considered a taxi or two. The Spanish waiter who said "Call me 007, James Bond" for some reason best known to himself, kindly rang for 2 taxis. In no time at all we were driving back down to La Cala and Marina bar bound for a few more drinks.

In the bar was Garth and Veronia, Sheila was also with them and there were spare seats to the side so we sat in those. Bob, John and Anne were at another table we couldn't quite fit around and in time they joined us as did Michelle and her son Connor, Rick and Joanne (Joanne was here briefly for a hen party) and as the evening went by Patrick also joined us. The evening transpired to be a major party atmosphere which was good for us all but specifically for Ange as it was her birthday. At one point Pepi put on the record "Compleanos felis" or happy birthday and we all sang to her. In general it was a fantastic day and the Al Fresco restaurant in Finestrat should be at the top of everyone's list of favourite places to dine.

I emailed Laurence the following day in response to an email I received from him. He and Tony are currently in the UK. I explained how nice the meal was and the cost, he and Tony joined us last year. He replied "55 Euros!!!" ... "It was that each last year!" ... I didn't reply, but I was well aware that if I made the same mistake as last year in going to a posh place, I would never hear the last of it, but if I am honest, the 55 Euros we paid this year was far better value, far better in flavour and quality...and a fifth of the price... and Ange merely swapped the lobster for tuna...A lesson learned....

San Juan and a long summer...

,,,San Juan has been and gone. What a great night though! Everyone I can think of was there, at least 40 people in our group. There they are on the left the mottley crew.

I have to say a great big thank you to everyone who brought food and drink, and especially Lee and Ben from the Bodega Bar in Finestrat, what generous guys!

Everyone I spoke to had the best time ever despite the rather short-sighted stance of Finestrat Council, who seem not to recognise the importance to the local economy of this event. No matter, the people there made the evening a great success and lets make next year even better.

...Lots have been happening. But unfortunately it's been a bad year for my wife and I, I lost my Dad in January and Angela lost her Mum only a couple of weeks ago, our son Ian two grandparents. But life goes on and back here in La Cala that's what its been doing.

...I had a spot of trouble with the Policia Locale the other day, or El Plod as I affectionately call them. I was on my way to Benidorm in the car. I tend to drive along the bay and up the back road past the incomplete hotel to get on to the N332 road. As I turned the corner by the side of the hotel, the car in front was doing 5 miles an hour, and I was a bit late, so I accelerated and overtook him, but as I did so El Plod in a landrover was on the oncoming side, witnessed my move and drove as to block my side of the road so I had to stop. In all such circumstances every Brit is likely to react the same way and say to the Policeman "hablas inglese" to which I got the response "No inglese Espanol solo". He wasn't going to make it easy clearly. He made me open the hatchback, then asked for my documents. In Spain you have to carry your driving licence, Insurance documents and a recept proving payment of the policy, your passport, a SUMA receipt (local Tax). And you must be in possession of two triangles, two safety vests, a full set of bulbs for the lights and if you wear specs a spare pair. An additional offence too is driving with incorrect footweat aka sandals. I was very worried because I could be facing a 60 to 100 euro fine I think he sensed my anguish. The Policeman was stern and studied my passport in fine detail. He told me in Spanish it is an offence to drive fast in a built up area. I said "lo ciento" meaning 'I am sorry' and he then said "OK drive slowly" and let me go. Phew....very lucky!

...The Marina Bar continues to be the base for meeting most of my friends. Sundays often end up as a major social meeting where we tend to fill the bar up much to the delight of Pepi and Antonio the owners. At this time of year there is a market all the way around the bay. The stall holders sell bric-a-brac, they do henna tattoos, braid hair, sell jewelry and cheap watches etc. On the first day it should have started a crowd of potential stall holders met on the beach front. There was a council official there, but the tone seemed to get a little heated and the meeting dispelled. The market didn't set up that night or for several nights after that. I asked Antonio what the problem might be. "I doan know, eeet seeems to bee to do wid de contact and licences...eeet may start next week or August....I doan know..." The next time I went to the bar Antonio was putting the extra tables and chairs out, they are allowed to put 8 tables on the pavement because the close the road from 6pm. "Bobbie..." he exclaimed, "De market ees sytarting tonigh" and sure enough the council officials came and installed the barriers to stop cars using the road, and the stall holders started to construct their stalls. I like this time, it injects a strong holiday atmosphere, and people seem to come from nowhere and the bars become busy once again.

Unfortunately the music has been stopped by the Police. The rumour is that another bar owner had his music stopped due to there being no licence, so he placed a denuncia (denouncement) with the Police who had to do the same to all the other bars. This meant Andrea had to stop singing at La Cala Cala and Cheryl at the Marina bar. Andrea however managed to get another gig at a bar just over the border in La Cala de Villajoyose, only a couple of hundred yards away, and they were allowed to play music. So on a Friday and Saturday Andrea takes some trade from the Marina and La Cala Cala. But not all the Villajoyosa residents are happy with the situation and I heard that on saturday night someone threw a bucket of water over andrea as she sang from one of the aprtments above....as you can imagine she was not very happy.

...Anyway the summer sees a lot of the long-term Brits migrate back to blighty, because many find it too hot here in July and August. Jeremy and Colin, Trevor and Andrew, Gary and Mike, and sundry others have departed, it was a bigger job for Laurence and Tony, they had to reposition their yacht for the summer, they sailed it back to Denia. Then they had to pack up their home before setting off to the south of England. But here there are still a hand full of us die hards who will keep the local watering hole afloat. We have new members to our group such as Michelle (Shell) and Jonathon, who no doubt you will get to know as time goes on.

Hopefully nothing tragic will drive my wife and I back to the UK unexpectedly, and I can begin to blog in earnest once more.

Watch this space......I have new subjects on whom to blog.................

Avast there me hearties, anyone interested in earning a few euro?

....I have been on Laurence and Tony's yacht again. That is the boat to the left. They have moved it for summer down to Altea, which makes it far more accessible. The first sail that I had I was scared beyond belief, the yacht when in full sail, especially with Laurence steering it, tends to be between a 45 and 60 degrees angle. The first time I was on the side nearest to the sea, but this time I managed to scramble to the other side and felt merely petrified.

We had been very kindly invited by Laurence and Tony when they realised my brother and sister in law, Dave and Linda were here on holiday. They were quite delighted at being invited, but the delight faded fairly quickly as we set sail. Laurence was at the helm and keeping a careful eye on the wind speed. "We don't want winds higher than 25 notts." he stated as we entered the open sea and the boat was bobbing like a cork in a bottle. "I'm going to head in the direction of Mascarat, where we should be able to drop anchor and have some lunch" he said positively. But I could see that the motion of the boat was somewhat more erratic than last time. and the waves were high creating what we sailors call 'white horses' or the white wave tops as they crash over to the sea again. This is a strong indication of rough sea conditions.

Dave and Linda were very quiet, in fact Linda was looking somewhat green. Laurence noticed that and decided against his original direction. "....the wind is up to 23 notts here, I think we will turn round and head for the lighthouse where we can get more shelter..." he concluded. "besides if we turned around at Mascarat, the tide and wind would make it a very rough turn"...."I am all for a non rough turn Laurence" I shouted just in case he was in any doubt. We set off in the direction of the lighthouse which sits above Albir beach. As we were getting close to the sheltered bay, Laurenced noticed a berth along side a buoy, which is placed there specifically for yachts and boats to moor at. Unfortunately a motor cruiser was too quick for us and made it to the last buoy. So Laurence and Tony decided that we would have to drop anchor. With the sail down and the anchor dropped, I went into the cabin with Laurence to sort out lunch. We had brought some cheese and ham and some red and white wine, the lads provided bread tortilla more wine and other bits and pieces. Once we had the food on deck we all assembled around the table, But Linda was not looking well at all. She moved away from the food and to the stern of the yacht. The rest of us tucked inot a very fine lunch, after which Laurence decided to return to Altea harbour he felt it only fair for Linda's sake. As we neared the harbour and the sea calmed, Linda was once again perky and far more at ease. So whilst it was extremely kind of the lads to invite us, I think the experience was a little to rough for Linda. My son and best friends are here on Saturday for a week and we are also going sailing....I will report back.

Although I am a retired brit on the Costa Blanca, I do need to earn some money to make ends meet. So my wife and I have got involved in a venture for which Ange is now a business consultant and I just help her to run it. I don't get a wage but ange does and that will help to pay for the extras in life. Its called network marketing. To give you an example of a kind of network marketing there is the sale of a product and the recruitment of other consultants. And before you start saying "Oh that is pyramid selling" well it isn't. There are a range of products and to become a consultant you need 5 sales, and the second objective is to recruit 3 people. Their aim is to each sell 5 products and recruit 3 people. With each sale from yourself down the chain to the last Consultant you earn commission on all they sell. If your chain of consultants grow so does your commission. Now, Bill Clinton is on YouTube extolling the virtues of Network marketing because of the positive effects on the US economy, equally Tony Blair is a keen advocate of this form of marketing. Donald Trump no less considers it to be one of the most important moves in sales in the recnt past and also supports it privately and publicly. 'The Times' has written major articles about the company we are involved with particularly as being a sound company with a very positive future. So why isn't everyone doing it, quite frankly I don't know why. If you were to buy a peice of franchise called 'Burger King' you would be expected to pay many thousands of pounds/eurose just for the franchise. Then there is stock to buy, staff to employ and custom to attract. Further more there are random inspections from the parent company who tend to shut down transgressors of hygene processes and employment terms etc. As for our kind of Franchise, well, it has cost us 350 euros, and such is the confidence that we will succeed we have a certificated guarantee that if we don't make 10 times that amount in one year we will get our money back. As for stock, well if we are going to sell the products it is a good thing to own one each of the range. So by buying all the products we get commission on the sales to ourselves, we end up with products to demonstrate to potential customers and the use of goods which are better than most of its rivals. Lets compare this with working for an employer. You get a static salary per month, you may increase sales with your hard work and the boss gets it, you retire with no pension unless you have paid some of your salary into a private pension scheme and the state pension. Well I get the state pension, and although I may retire, my income from network marketing continues even if I am no longer active, because the people I have recruited are still selling things and paying me a commission. "Whats the catch" people say to me. "The catch is" I answer, "you only get out equal to what you put in. It is self motivation." You won't have a boss urging you on, who also won't be there to encourage you, but equally he won't be taking all the credit from your sales. So the choices for employment in Spain, work for 5 euros an hour (often illegally) and therefore work long hours, buy a business and invest all of our savings on the risk of thriving in a very poor economy, or investing a small amount of money, refundable if you stick to the principles of networkl marketing but fail to make 10 times as much money in a year, with no ceiling on the amount you can earn....in my book this is a no-brainer...what is there to loose. If any of you out there in Benidorm and around, want to come and share some excellent opportunities to make serious income, get in touch with me via this blog and I will take you on the same journey...

Snatching defeat from the jaws of victory.....

....Sometimes the actions of Spanish Councils amaze the most cynical ex-pat. These are recessionary days when the pound is worth next to nothing against the Euro and rents which in 2005 were equal to £450 are now closer to £700. Benidorm is one of Spains most popular resorts amongst the British, Dutch, German and Norwegian tourists so is it resting on it laurels expecting the loyalty of their erstwhile foreign guests.

The originator of the resort worked hard and managed to gain the support of none other than General franco in allowing people to sunbathe in bikinis on the Poniente and levante beaches against the will of the Catholic church. He ensured that the layout of the high rise apartment blocks and hotel blocks enabled most balconies to receive sun for a few hours every day. The resort has also been noted for good transportation, a bus ride for 1 stop or a hundred stops in benisdorm will cost your 1 euro 20cents, or for 10 euros the cost drop to less than 1 euro a trip.

The Poniente beach rennovation should be complete this year, making it a modern clean and pedestrian friendly paseo. There are life guards every few hundred yards along the three major beaches in the resort, levante in the New town, Poniente south of the Old Town and La Cala at Finestrat. Despite all this the resort and the Costas in general have taken at least a 17% reduction in occupancy so far this year and the final toll could be worse. Benidorm and Finestrat Mayors are demonstrating their absolute ignorance of basic financial planning.

Imagine the amazement amongst the local Spanish and ex-pats communities when the Benidorm mayor in his wisdom announced new measures regarding the usage of the beach. Firstly, no alcohol will be allowed on the beach at all and offenders will have their alcohol confiscated and destroyed. next, children will no longer be able to build sandcastles or dig in the sand generally, next, people must be off the beach by midnight and not to return before 6 am. and finally it will be an offence to urinate in the sea. Now I can maybe go along with the alcohol law, but it seems a bit nanny state, the time embargo is maybe sensible in that it will deter hobos from sleeping on the beach and allow the council workers time to comb the beach each morning to make it tidy for the beach users. But, as Benidorm claims to be family friendly, I am staggered that kids will not be allowed to use a bucket and spade any more. What is the knock-on effect? Well, the shops will no longer be able to sell bucket and spades, and I would bet that every child who steps on to a beach in benidorm won't bring them to benidorm, they will buy them in resort. Next year when the brochures come out the tourists with children will steer clear of Benidorm, because a day on the beach is a cheap day out for families, but with nodigging allowed there are going to be a lot of bored children. And as for urinating in the sea! Right hands up those of you who don't know someone who has done that, and how on Earth are the 'beach police' going to enfore that one? Well my theory is, the law enforcers will be lying on the beach mingling with the tourists and have a pair of binoculars, and will scan the the faces of all those in the sea and if any one looks relieved they will be instantly knicked and taken to El plod station.....

So, being armed with this infinately flawed plan destined to cost Benidorm oodles of dosh in lost tourism, enter the fray Finestrat council! Now here we have a Council, that was reported to be in the top ten richest Spanish councils last year, and it now reports that it is skint. The outgoing Mayor seems to be being blamed, but noone can account from the riches to rags position of the council. What does Finestrat rely on? Tourism. When do the tourists like to come? As well as June, July and August because of the sun, there are one or two other events which make the local businesses take on extra staff and stock up with food drink and sundry beach equipment, the fiesta of San Juan being the premier evening in the La Cala de Finestrat diary. So how does the Mayor of Finestrat resolve the financial woes of Finestrat council? He cancelled every fiesta this year with the exception of one saints day in August which is restricted to the village in the hills. Which means San Juan is cancelled - no fireworks, no band, probably no life guard, no parade. Having attended the last four San juan fiestas I can absolutely state that there are thousands of people on the beach, they all have cool boxes stuffed with food bought in the local shops, the local shops employ local people to sell their goods, the local bars have extra chairs on the pavement to cope with the high demand and a blind eye is turned to the anti alcohol and curfew times on the beach. Many foreign tourists will have booked accommodation and transpot last year to ensure they get her for the celebration. So what will their reaction be when there is absolutely no council support for this fiesta? Well I am no tourism specialist, but I guess next years bookings will be down, which mean less money in accommodation, less sales in the shops and bars, less council revenue from taxes. It seems that the ex-pat population in both Finestrat and Villajoyosa is significant and they are entitled to vote in local election and what I am already hearing tells me that the mayors of both towns can no longer depend on the vote of the British ex-pats. So with the emancio building in such a state of disrepair that it could fall down at any time (this is Finestrats responsibility) and the eyesore of a building the Gran Magic Atrium beach still unfinished and unlikely ever to be finished (Villajoyosa responsibility) and the Finestrat brainwave to suspend all fiestas, I think the councils are going into self destruct.

Still, it should be a lot easier to get a beer in the marina bar this year........

The flying dutchman......

...Some days the Marina bar is full yet there is no-one to talk to. These are the days when people watching comes into its own. One such day occurred last week. My wife had gone to England for her mum's birthday, so at my usual time I went down to the bar. I found a good seat in the sun, a good view of the beach and the pavement which runs past the bar. The place was packed. To my left on the row in front of me were two Dutch couples, right in front of me next to a palm tree was another Dutch man on his own, to my right a group of German tourists had arrived and the waiters were meeting themselves coming backwards it was so busy.

I couldn't really understand much of what was being said around me until Peter came along. Peter is an Englishman and he like the odd drink - 7, 9, 11, 13 etc. Anyway, he arrived with two ladies and sat between me and the Duch foursome. Peter has a deep somerset accent and linked with a few beers it turns a little into a drawl or slur, and his way of speaking Spanish is to growl in a Spanish accent, not exactly saying anything, but I think the waiters interpret him by his body language. Whatever he intended the end result was him receiving a pint of Spanish lager.

The Dutch guys on the next table were intrigued with his behaviour. "Are you English?" one asked him "Yer, oi 'am" he replied "And werm you from?" he asked of them. "We are from the Netherlands" From then on they tended to speak in football team names, Ajax, Manchester United, Barcelona...well thats what it sounded like from where I am. "The man next to the palm tree behind you supports manchester United and he is Dutch too" said the first Dutchman. The other man nodded in acknowledgement of the reference. Now every now and then when Peter wanted a drink he would just shout out in a very loud deep gutteral drawl "heeeeeeeey peeeedrrrrrrrro mi amingo" and Pedro where ever he was would shout back "soon Pedro two, soon" (Pedro being Spanish for peter) meaning he is currently engaged and would come as soon as possible. But amongst the four German tourists to my left was a lady who clearly took exception to peter's behaviour because every time he did it she commented in a lound exclamation "gottenhimmel!" and he managed to catch her out every time she never saw it coming.

In the meantime a couple of smart looking Spanish guys had sat in front of me to the left they were maybe in their 30s, but effectively on a neighbouring table to peter. They too were mesmerised with the antics of Peter, who by this time had been joined by two young girls, if not teenagers only in their very early 20s. I think that was the real reason the Spanish lads chose their seats. But Peter was clearly known to the girls who seemed to have come specially to see him. I could hear them asking about his wife and daughter (I don't know this as a fact but think he may be estranged from his wife). At this stage Peter, who is clearly proud to be associated with the two girls is getting louder, and as the Dutch guys have had a few too now, they are laughing with him when he plays to the crowd. Meanwhile after Peter's latest "heeeeeeeeey peeeeeedddddrrrrro mi amigo" and the now associated "Gottenhimmel",happened as Pedro walks past the two Spanish lads who said something to pedro, the only word I caught was ".....culo" which is Spanish for Bottom, so you can make of that as you see fit, but it made Pedro giggle. There was a definite unease in general about Peter's behaviour, but fortunately he said to the two young ladies, "I am going to pay my bill now" and he made his way to the bar. Coincidentally, just as he had gone into the bar two Guardia Civil officers came into the bar. I am fairly certain they came for a free drink, but I do think others around thought they were arriving to sort Peter out. But it was merely a coincidence. The original ladies Peter arrived with had spent their time talking to the dutch foursome and only drank water, but left before Peter. Peter left with the two young ladies who joined him earlier.

I thought the entertainment had concluded, but you may remember the Dutch man sat next to the palm tree. I hadn't taken much notice of him as he was very quiet and seemed to be having a drink taking in the sun, but as he stood up to go to the Toilet, he had a very steady swagger, and on his table was evidence of a couple of beers and an empty bottle of sparkling wine. When he came back to the table he was considerably unsteady and holding his head in his hand once he had managed to land on his chair. He had clearly paid his bill whilst in the bar because he was putting his change in his wallet. He took the last drink of his glass, stood up with a great amount of effort, looked at his countymen, shook his head indicating he may have been a little silly, and set off with will and purpose I guess, to wherever he was staying. Remember the newly tiled wall out side the marina bar between the beach and the bar? Well he clearly didn't because he wanted to move forward, but his legs took him at 45 degrees in the direction of the wall, and when he found it he did a double axel that Torville and Dean would have been extremely proud of and dropped on the sand like a bull elephant being stunned by a poacher.........

......30 minutes earlier I would have predicted something like that happening to Peter, not the Dutchman......

The following Sunday I was in the bar with friends and at the back of the bar sat the same Dutchman, fast asleep with an empty beer glass and an empty bottle of sparkling wine.........

The Butler didn't do it!

...Its getting close to the busy season and the weather has been glorious for days now. It even feels warm at night which is a good sign that Summer is just around the corner. We have had a very busy week and still more to do.

Last night was a great night of entertainment. Paneils my favourite Benidorm Restaurant, held a murder mystery night. The menu fixed at 15 Euros per head which included the meal and the mystery. We got there reasonably prompt at 7 pm with Bob and John (new kids on the block) and Margaret, Andrea's mother. We took our seats and didn't need to look through a menu everyone needed to pre-order so that all the meals could be served at one time (not an easy task for the chef Neil, or the waiters, Patrick and Marge).

Four of us had spare ribs, and Ange had salad nicoise, For the main course 4 of us had Salmon and I had stuffed Pepper which was one of the nicest main courses I have ever had. There was rice, mushrooms, onions, spices and seasoning in the pepper and it sat in a rich tomato sauce which had a dash of chilli to spice it up. And for desert two had peach crumble Margaret had a fruit salad topped with Ice cream and I had sponge cake with dates and walnuts and custard. But we didn't eat in the conventional way. First of all, the Mystery master explained where we were (we were in an art gallery in Benidorm, which was owned by One of the suspects), who we all were and that each table had a suspect on it. I turned out to be the suspect on our table. My name was Ivor Biggun (I know what you are all thinking so I am just moving on swiftly) I was a bisexual gigolo, who was having a liaison with a wealthy widow who had bought me a yacht, a fast car and a luxury penthouse. There were 6 other suspects including her son and daughter, the Galery owner a lady in a wheelchair who was a childhood friend of her daughter, a sculptor and my ex-boyfriend! The suspects were given a script which explained what they were doing up to the discovery of a body. The body being Lady Plenty (my lady friend).

We were then served our starter. After the starter each of the suspects were in turn asked to stand and answer questions from the rest of the people in the room, this relaxed everyone and we were all in good spirits. Then we were given some evidence like a knife, a tram ticket and a cigarette lighter. We were then served our main course. After which the suspects were questioned again in the light of the discovered evidence. Then we were shown a couple of documents, one was lady Plenty's will and the other was a forensic report which showed that the knife which bore the initials of the sculptor, had the dead woman's daughter's fingerprints on. and a blood sample proved to be that of her daughters also. The finger of suspicion was firmly pointing in her direction. Now as well as me being a suspect, as there were 7 suspects but only 6 tables, John was a suspect too. he was the dead woman's son, and his sister was played by an older lady on another table who had certainly gone into character. We were not allowed to lie we had to tell the truth as we knew it. But if we liked to embelish it that was fair game. So when ever I asked her a question she said "Not you again!" and when my 'ex-boyfriend' was asked questions about me he looked at me in a very annoyed manner as though I betrayed him. It is surprising what a few bottles of does to someone acting a role. We then had dessert.

After dessert we had a summary of facts from the Mystery Master and all the suspects had a final quizzing.

The decision time was due, we were each given a sheet of paper, with questions who was the murderer? What was the motive? So everyone gave an answer. After being analysed the Mystery master asked us suspects to stand up. He then explained who didn't do it (a bit like Hercule Poirot) it wasn't the son, he sat down, it wasn't the Gallery owner, she sat down, it wasn't the sculptor, he sat down could it have been the daughter, he said "I will come back to the daughter", Was it the ex-boyfriend, no he sat down, which left me and the daughter standing. He went back to the daughter and it wasn't her either. I hadn't sussed who it wasm but it was me who did it!.....

Speachless for a week

...LAURENCE AND TONY sailed their yacht from its berth to La Cala yesterday, the picture left is when it departed. We were having lunch with Jonathan and Duncan at the time, so the picture is from our balcony. I am looking forward to the next time Ange and I are aboard, it is a great day out on the yacht. Laurence and Tony are perfect hosts.

I knew they were on their way to La Cala when I received a phone call off Laurence. And trust me that phone call was the first one I had had for just over a week. No! that isn't because I am extremely unpopular, its due to me changing mobile telephone providers. I was using 'Vodafone ES', and a few people had transferred from their provider to one called 'Telitec'. It boasts 7 cents a minute to mobiles and landlines in Spain and 5 cents a minute to mobiles and landlines in the UK. There is a connection fee of 14 cents. Texts are also cheaper. So a number of us, maybe as many as 12 decided to do the change and Jonathan took the lead to get us all moved over as smoothly as possible. On the 30th march I sent an email to a lady at Telitec along with all the details they required. In Spain it is now necessary to register pay as you go mobiles which means providing a passport number and an NIE number (a Spanish requirement if you have any financial dealings in Spain). She said it would happen between 7 and 14 days. So in the meantime I was in the UK thinking the new SIM card would arrive during my absence. It didn't. So I left things a while and then Ange got a text from something called 'Hits' which unknown to me at that time is the name of the new network provider. It said in Spanish that her mobile transfer date was the 15th April and the SIM should arrive on the 17th April. I didn't get a message. so I telephoned Telitec on my landline because on the 17th my mobile SIM card from Vodafone was disabled. The lady at Telitec said she would contact the technical guys and they will respond to me. A chap from the technical side rang me and said he had despatched both SIMs on the 15th and it would take a couple of days to arrive. this was on Friday the 17th April. The weekend loomed so I thought it is likely to be Tuesday when it arrives so I decided to wait until then before calling back. On Tuesday 21st it hadn't arrived so I emailed the lady in sales, she replied saying she had forwarded it to a man in the technical department. He eventually rang me and said it had been despateched on the 17th and that I should try the Post Office in VillaJoyosa, the post man may not have been able to deliver it for some reason. The next day I took Andrea with me to the Post Office because she had a note in her mail box saying that she was out when the delivery of her SIM card was made and we needed to sign for the SIMs. When I got to the Post office I quoted a tracking number given to me by the technical guy. They had it and gave me the package.

I got home and inserted the SIM and keyed in the code number. The screen lit up and a message said 'SIM card registration failed'. I was now beginning to lose my temper. So I sent this email:

Dear Madam,

I am not sure that anything else can go wrong. After many phone calls and eventually getting a tracking number from you I discovered my SIM card was in Villajoyosa Post Office. I had not received postal slip in my post box to say that they failed to deliver. So after a long time without phone I eventually got the SIM card today. I came home and inserted the SIM keyed in the PIN number and the message on my screen was your SIM card registration failed. My phone is an Open phone I bought it as such to take my Spanish and UK SIM cards. I have telephoned a lady who told me that someone will call me back and will I be in all day? She added it may be the SIM card....! Great another 4 weeks no doubt.

Bob

You may sense a hint of sarchasm. Nothing much happened during the day and I was told to deal directly with HITS. After speaking with Hits I sent another email:-

Dear madam,

It is now day 26 since I requested a transfer to Telitec. Yesterday I had several telephone calls to the techie, still no phone. He then put me in direct contact with HITs, who asked me all the same questions and took me through the same procedure as the techie until they realised I am neither insane, incompetent or untruthful. They then said they are putting in an 'incident' to vodafone, who supply the signal (strange that I managed to get a signal when with Vodafone which was a week ago today). I telephoned HITS this morning and the lady said there is no solution yet it is in the hands of the technical people and she doesn't know when it will be corrected.

I have lost a week's worth of business and had to buy a vodafone SIM card so that I don't lose any more, and I have now got 2 phone numbers in the system which I was trying to avoid by asking you to transfer my original one.

I think your system is flawed, I think your people are insensitive, and HITS are uncaring. I wish I had never transferred over, and will certainly dissuade others from doing so.

regards

Bob

I got a phone call from the techie almost immediately. He said "I have been reading all the emails and I am doing all I can to resolve your problem" to which I asked "and what is the solution"? He said "Well I have made you another SIM card and I am going to post it to you and it should take 1 to 2 days to arrive" I thought Deja Vu! "Don't post it, I will come to your office in Moraira and get it directly from you I don't trust the mail." He replied "I will be right back I have to go stop the mail". We arranged to meet before 2.pm. So me and Ange drove all the way to Moraira, found the office and met up with the techie. I put the SIM in and I didn't get a signal. "No signal" I said somewhat frustratedly. He said "Let me have it" and he walked outside, then came back and said "You do have a signal, but its a crap signal in here you have to go outside"..... it gave me very little faith that statement!

Sure enough I had a signal. I received a text as soon as I got outside from someone complaining they couldn't contact me. The first person I rang was Jonathan. "Guess where I am ringing you from Jonathan" I said, "where?" "From Telitec at Moraira, I went for my own SIM".

When I got home Jonathan had written a status message on his facebook. "Good news, Bob is mobile again, (he went for his SIM card) Wonder what he has to talk about on facebook now"......